I’ve done my part
So Goodbye to you, Sun God.
I’ve sung to you melodious songs,
You were a part of me for long.

The dark night of respite is over
There ain’t time to be bitter.
My gold, scarlet and purple feathers
Have begun to wither.

I may look ugly
I may look weak
I maybe old
And I maybe no good.

It’s time to pick up the pieces
Of the wild cinnamons of the past
With these I will build a pyre
A death-bed to set myself on fire.

Let me be consumed by the flames
Accept all the blames
I could have made some wrong
But I’ve done my best all along.

Roar like the rolling thunder
Cry because of the fire under
And by these falling tears
Heal my wounds, scars and fears.

It’s time to pick up the pieces
Of the wild cinnamons of the past
With these I will build a pyre
A death-bed to set myself on fire.

With this sacrifice
I renew myself from this funeral pyre
As my body crashes
I leave the past into ashes

I may have looked ugly,
I may have looked weak,
I maybe was old
I maybe was no good.

I fly freely to the skies
Emerge in this new paradise.
Yes I could be self destructive
But this is for a new life to live.

Now, I’m a phoenix anew

I’m no ugly
I’m no weak
I’m no old
Now I’m gold.

This is the phoenix’s flight
After the sad burning plight,
Leave the world and problems behind,
Emerge in the new world with a new life to find.

from my Friendster blog: Monday, 25 July 2005

Later tonight, right after midnight my grandmother would be a year older.  But why doesn’t she grow old like the old ladies around! Hahaha. She still looks like what she was when I had my first sight of her (hmmmn, of course I wont remember that! I’m just exaggerating).  But the truth is, I think she is still as young when I was always with her.  Now it makes me believe that grandmas never really grow old.

I call my grandma “Nanay”.  I lived with her ever since I was small; I think I was less than a year when my parents decided to take me to my grandparents because they wanted to have a child in the house, and I hope not because my parents don’t want me.  I still can’t believe why my parents have to bring their only son to their parents and let them take care of me, it must have been hard!  (Okay, okay, I should stop defending why they did it; I’ll let your suspicious minds think my parents just don’t like me anyways! Hahaha.)

In that house, I learned to talk, walk, etc.  I should be prim and proper too.  I should kiss the hands – as a sign of respect – of everyone she knows and call them Lola, Lolo, Tita, Tito, etc.  When I wake up, I should drink my milk, eat breakfast everyday (she would be mad if I don’t) take a bath after breakfast, and at six o’clock I should be home so that I can say the rosary with her.  I learned to lead the rosary at a very early age.  I remember I go with her to church (not to mention I am always wearing a barong, or a neatly ironed polo, and my hair combed with a “part” like a matured man) and I shouldn’t go anywhere but beside her all throughout the mass.  I would really envy the kids playing outside the church, but there is nothing I can do, I’m an obedient child, so I just have to sit beside her and sometimes I would fall asleep.

I wonder why I don’t really know how to cook even though I would always stand on a chair beside her while she cooks.

By the way, my Nanay is a grade school teacher. And she is my first grade teacher! It’s tough to be her pupil since I should always give the correct answer whenever she would ask something, or else she will be mad when we get home.  I’m glad my aunt – who lives with us – was always there to tutor me when I’m home which made me not embarrass my grandma by giving the right answers.

Even though she was old, she is strong! Imagine her carrying me on her waist when it rains… she holds me on her right hand and her bag and umbrella on her left hand.  She is a real “girl scout”, too — always ready.  Inside her bag are keys, pencil, ball pen, scissor, pins, tissue, papers, wallet, a coin purse, needle and thread, a folding umbrella, a raincoat… u name it! She has everything on her “small” bag!

Whenever I fell asleep on the couch, she would try to wake me up.  But then out of exhaustion, I would pretend I can’t walk to my room anymore.  Instead of leaving me asleep on the couch, she would carry me to my bed, change my clothes (uh oh… yes, I admit it, she saw everything, hahaha).  There’s one rule she imposed on me… that is, I should pee before going to bed.  Even if I’m already in bed, she would wake me up (or sometimes carry me to the bathroom) just that I could pee before I sleep.  I understood why she does that, so that I won’t piss on the bed, like other kids do!  So, I’m proud to say my bed doesn’t stink, hahaha!  There’s also another thing my grandma does which seems embarrassing but I would tell anyways, she insisted to bathe me a few times even if I was already in high school, coz she doesn’t seem to be satisfied with how I scrub myself, and she wanted to scrub my back (blush).

I lived with my grandparents until my first year in high school.  It’s difficult to leave them but then I should live at my parent’s house which is nearer to my school.  Even though I was away, I see to it I visit my grandparents regularly.  I’m the only grandchild who is close to them since my sisters and other cousins are afraid of my grandpa (who still has his Spanish trait of being strict) and they don’t wanna hear grandma’s lengthy speeches.  Lucky me, I’m already used to them.

Now that I’m far from her, good thing the telephone was invented; it’s the only thing that connects us.  Oftentimes I would think of them and plan to call them for several minutes, but then if it’s Nanay’s turn on the phone, we would end up talking for an hour or more.  She would remind me again of not going out late night, I should sleep for eight hours, take my vitamins, pray, blah blah blah…

Anyway, I just want to thank God for giving me such a loving grandma, she really deserves the title GRAND.

Nanay, you taught me everything, and I will always keep them.  I’m so happy you’re the mother of my dad.  You are not only a grandmother to me, but also a mother!  U gave me the love no one else had, not even your own children.  No one else could be what you have been to me.  I’m so proud of you!  Keep stronger, and don’t die yet! Hahaha.

I love you, Nanay!
 

“That which is loved is always beautiful”

I love my life; therefore, my life is beautiful.  I’ve always loved the life I live, and it is not only for myself.  But that doesn’t mean that I live just for others – I’m no hero!  Somehow, it’s the people close to me that make my life better.  I even consider my own life as kinda boring because I don’t have a very colorful life (not good to be made into a movie, not even a single-episode TV show).

Friends would consider me the “people pleaser” – I always try to please everybody even if I don’t want to do it.  I always see to it that no one will ever get disappointed of me.  So, I’m always just a text or a call away.  I wanted to be someone who’s available when someone needs me; although I admit I’m not Superman who can fly the moment someone’s in need.

I do anything I wanna do despite the fact that I know my limitations.  I take responsibility for whatever action I make.  I have no regrets in whatever I do.  If I commit a mistake, then I shouldn’t live with it, I just consider it a lesson and see to it I won’t do it anymore.  Oftentimes, people would think of me as someone who doesn’t care of the people and things around me.  Although I’m the easy-going type of guy, I always see to it that people around me feels being taken cared of and that they are important to me.

The life I live is not superb, but real and worth living… and I’m loving it!

That’s all for the start… my first blog post, hehe!